Breaking, Not Bending

In this flawed existence,
In this story with no end
You met with my resistance
– You thought it might bend.
I confess, I left it loose
I left a hole shaped for you
I opened up past my comfort zone
but I never thought you’d break through.

Scaring myself with ugly thoughts
Painful dreams beyond my control
I chanced a look at your face, your eyes
but everything I saw became so cold.
Icy hands, freezing my skin
Your snowstorm lips upon my cheek
Fingers like icicles upon my back
But all I felt was the beating
Aching
Breaking
Beating
Beating.

My heart trapped in my mouth
Consuming my empty, worthless words
How can I ever walk away now,
how can I pretend I never cared?

In this scarred persistence
My story with no happy ending
I regret opening myself quite so wide
Because I’m now breaking, and not bending.
Your fingers twisted around mine
Heavy arms across my chest
My skin on fire, our blood pumping
And my heart -
Beating
Aching
Breaking
Beating
Beating.

In this solitary corner
Where the story never ends
You met me like we’d never known each other
You expected me to bend.
And I confess, I wanted you
I opened up a tiny door
Ignored your dirty fingers if it meant
You’d lift me up off the floor.
I expected you to save me
I knew you’d have the key
The wrong thing to want, the wrong thing to need
The beating
Aching
Breaking
Beating
Beating.

And now here I stand, alone
My every moment up until this day
Turns to nothing when you look at me
In your sweet and silent way.
I laid myself bare before you
Closed my eyes but you opened them wide
Whispered ‘I love you’s’ in the dark
And always the pain inside.

A thousand whispered ‘if only’s’
If only things could stay just the same
…You wouldn’t have changed.

Beating.
Aching.
Breaking.
Not bending.

(c) 2008.

 

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19 Comments

  1. This was a very interesting piece, both in the story it told and construction. I liked the way it was broken up in pattern and the use of repetition. I read through several of your other pieces and pages. There is a lot of talent here, also a lot of pain. May the talent win out.

    Larry

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