Losing it.

02 Nov

I feel strange. Not bad, just odd… like a part of me has split away from myself and is dragging me down. I’m not depressed, but I can feel a low mood trying to creep in.

I have no right to feel this way. Things are going fine. Yet I want to cry, for no damn reason. I wanted to write about how lovely the weekend was, how S took me to Liverpool for a day out and spoiled me rotten. I wanted to write about troubles I’ve had with Z. I wanted to explain how I’m feeling about dieting. Yet.. I’m tired. I had over sixteen hours’ sleep last night, but I’m still exhausted.

I have so much to write about. I just don’t want to. I want to disappear. I don’t know why. I don’t understand it.

Deep breaths.

God. The urge to get the razor out is so damn strong.

Deep breaths.

I want to purge.

Deep breaths.

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Posted by on November 2, 2011 in Every day life


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5 responses to “Losing it.

  1. Astrid

    November 2, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    I hate it, when I feel depression is lurking for me. I hope it wont creep in. Sometimes it is possible to outsmart it by distracting yourself. But I am happy to hear, that you had a good time in Liverpool! Take care.

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      November 2, 2011 at 11:33 pm

      Thanks for replying, it’s nice to know somebody out there is reading. It sort of makes it easier to calm down, if that makes sense. It means a lot to know somebody out there cares, somebody who doesn’t even know me.

  2. One of God's many children.

    November 8, 2011 at 7:06 am

    There are so many of us that feel the same, i was ashamed of it becasue i thought i was the only one, things will eventually get better even though it does not look like it, just have aith

  3. Me

    November 8, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    I send my love <3

    .. with hugs, tea and chats… they're essential :)

  4. L.S. Stuhler

    November 14, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    I am very moved by your words. Have you written a book? If not, you should consider doing so. I’m glad that you visited my blog because in turn, I visited yours. Your poetry, the way you describe yourself, your insight and feelings are so creative and moving. To have such a talent, to be able to express yourself in words is a gift. I wish I had your abilities. Although I put two years of my life and everything I had into my book, it is factual, lots of research from old documents; but your book would be from the heart, from the living, from someone who is experiencing the pain. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you stop hurting yourself, to make you realize what a valuable, inspirational person you are. I will be following your blog and praying that through your writings, you will see yourself in a better light, one that shines brightly! Love, Lin


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