A Thousand Questions

I sat alone tonight.

Silence.

Incense burning.

For the first time,
I can’t stand the music,
they sing words which fit
too well.

I want to confess but the words won’t flow,
and it fills me with fear to lay myself so bare.

I was alone tonight.

Still feeling pressure where your fingers
touched me.

Your taste
on my lips.

Your smell
on my skin.

I want to admit, but it makes me afraid,
it’s all so unpredictable and you’re in control.

I will sleep alone tonight.

Holding tight to memories.

Reading your messages.

Holding on.

I need to speak, but fear keeps me silent,
I want to find a table and lay my cards down for you.

Tonight, I will be alone.

Lulled by tiny blue pills
and imagining your arms holding me, like before.

I want to ask
a thousand questions.

And I’m afraid
of the answers.

(c) 2008.

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16 Comments

  1. i wish that i could resonate with this, but i cannot because i have never loved a human being like you apparently have. and i am, luckily, comforted by my dog. she sleeps beside me, snoring like a man. :) i hope that you can find the comfort that you seek. x

  2. I very much relate to this piece. I am so very much not in controll of my own situation. I don’t want to be hurt anymore, but I don’t want to let go of my husband and our 29 year marriage. I am unable to make him understand the way I feel. I know what logic says I should do, but love, emotion and commitment won’t let me. I can only pray that all will be what it should be sooner than later.

Send me love.

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