If I could say these words aloud,
would you understand
that I’m still afraid?
Twenty-three,
feeling I’ve stepped back ten years.
If I could speak to myself,
thirteen, naive,
would I ever understand I would always be insecure?
So many words,
and I’m yet to find any answers.
If I could be with you now,
hold your face in my hands and bring it close to mine,
would you see my fear?
Losing this,
is something I can’t contemplate like you do.
If I could stop time for myself,
ten years from now, would I have moved on
from this behaviour?
Or would I still be here,
constantly moving backwards ten years?
(c) 2008.
marousia
November 14, 2011 at 1:32 am
Perhaps you could embrace the insecurity – sometimes the child nurtures the adult
halfwaybetweenthegutter
November 15, 2011 at 2:05 am
Good advice, thanks for reading!
jeg700
November 14, 2011 at 5:28 am
My answer…if you keep trying you will keep moving forward, so that in 10 years, you will be in a different place. Promise.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
November 15, 2011 at 2:06 am
I hope so. Sometimes I think I’m exactly the same as I was at ten years old – making the same mistakes, just with more baggage.
jr3bees
November 14, 2011 at 7:02 am
I can relate to this. Insecurity is difficult to overcome. It never really goes away, but you can move past it, with effort, with love around you. Love for yourself, understanding why you exhibit the behaviors that you do. Counselling can help, but really, you need to look deep within yourself, and confront the demons that you are trying to expel. I’ve been there. Its possible. You can survive, and even thrive.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
November 15, 2011 at 2:07 am
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m beaten a lot of my insecurity, but some of it still lingers and it’s proving impossible to shift.
Daniel O. Casey
November 14, 2011 at 5:12 pm
This is deep. But strength and heroes are not made from fearless, they’re made from tougher stuff that still feels fear and insecurity.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
November 15, 2011 at 2:08 am
Your comment means a lot, thank you. I just wish I could see that strength in myself sometimes.
kshawnedgar
November 15, 2011 at 2:39 am
I think we all progress and digress as we go along. Growing is a loopy path through convoluted levels.
The Cello Strings
November 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm
23 is a perfect age,
i enjoyed it then, working full time, feeling the joy of being independent.
Uma
November 18, 2011 at 7:40 pm
An intriguing poem …on and off with life