Dr’s appointment

I spoke in this post (especially in the comments) about the health problems I’ve been experiencing recently. From rashes to vomiting, to bowel problems and exhaustion. I made an appointment with my GP a couple of weeks ago, mainly to address the problem of the rash I’ve had on my hands and feet since the summer. It’s incredibly painful and has been keeping me awake at night, as well as looking absolutely horrible.

I had my appointment at 8.50 this morning, and managed to make it there on absolutely no sleep (I was up all night going over what I would say) and with hair like a crazed scarecrow, plus one very wonky eyebrow. Don’t pluck your eyebrows in the dark is my tip for the day.

There are things I haven’t mentioned on here, and which I certainly haven’t told anybody in ‘real life’ about. Embarassing stuff like losing control of my bladder with no warning. Loss of bowel control. Things no twenty six year old wants to admit to. Tremors in my right hand and foot. Extreme pain during sex, which I’ve not told S about even though I know I should. Total loss of memory. Stuff which makes me feel weak and useless.

I now have seven prescriptions. Luckily, my mother helps me out with medication costs and pays for a pre-payment card. Otherwise I’d be looking at over £50, which I can’t afford at all. I suppose I’m lucky in a sense; I dread to think how much it would cost me in America. All my regular meds are now up to date, so that’s a positive, and I have antibiotics and a different steroid for the rash, a gel for the vaginal pain (FML), a stronger anti-acid for my stomach, a full list of blood tests to be done, a pot to wee in, and a referral to a dermatologist.

I also have a referral to the neurosciences clinic in Liverpool. An emergency referral. My GP asked me to follow a pen-light with my eyes, squeeze his hands, frown, push against him… and now I’m seeing a brain specialist.

Suddenly, it’s all becoming very real. I’m a bit scared.

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34 Comments

  1. Very worrisome, which I’m sure you’ve managed to block out the worry for some time now, off and on. Strange on we can do that, isn’t it?
    Here’s hoping there will be nothing that can’t be fixed.
    With you in spirit.

  2. Your Guardian Angel is watching from above and sits on your right shoulder when the going gets a lot tougher.
    I know you’re frightened and it would be a concern if you were not. All of a sudden I feel a bit like a voyeur since I have to admit I have been following along but rarely commenting.

    This post I cannot pass up without sending my gentlest hugs. Seeing a neurologist is most likely your referral. This could mean spine and not necessarily brain. But I completely relate. I woke up in 1984 from a headache which felt like something was exploding in my head. As it turns out my life was drastically changed by what happened that night. I do have a chronic illness and spine disease which create a lot of the same symptoms you’re describing. Obviously I was much younger then than I am now. I remember the fear of the unknown and the symptoms that would not seem to abate.
    Although today my life has been much different from that I had planned as a teen & young adult. But to say that my life is hell would not be fair to me , to my life, or even to you.

    I am not making light of the real danger that there could be something very seriously wrong. I just believe in not adding negative thoughts and energy to an already stressed situation and your body..
    There is trial and study one after another proving that those who keep positivity in their life fare better in any kind of treatment modality for any kind of illness or condition. In my 50 plus years I have personally witnessed time and time again people i my life who were told an actual death sentence and they stumped even the most credible professionals. They have lived far longer than expected, their treatments worked faster and with more benefit than expected. When asked what made the difference for them each one of the could plainly say it was prayers and positive out look by them selves, and those they surrounded themselves with.
    I know from first hand experience that this works for me. I am not going to lie and say I never have bad days, or even bad months. Such as the flare that I have been experiencing for almost a year. But I could be so much worse. And today I was able to get out of bed and make a hand made greeting card. And I made my family a meal.

    • Firstly, well done on making a card and a meal – it’s the small things which make it all worthwhile, isn’t it? And secondly, thank you so much for this comment.

      I read it while I was waiting in the bank (the wonders of technology!) and had to hide a few sneaky tears. Not that it made me sad, not at all; I’m so glad you posted this. You’ve given me a bit of hope, and a lot of reassurance. I was scared this morning, but you’ve managed to calm me down and I’ve re-read this comment quite a few times to keep the worry at bay.

      I’m sorry to hear you’re experiencing a flare – I’m sending good wishes and hope that it’ll calm down for you.

  3. Doctor’s appointments, referrals, new meds, and blood work all suck. But you’re brave and smart to bring up all of your issues to the GP before they get worse. A lot of people are notorious for ignoring their issues. It takes a lot of courage on your part! Good for you :) I hope all of the tests come back good and that your referrals are to great doctors who are helpful. Good luck! — b.

  4. I went to bed last night remembering that today would be Thursday, and with that I remembered you’d be having your appointment. I’m glad you posted this bit of an update. I was curious to know what steps were coming next. I feel like maybe I should be saying something comforting or inspirational here, but I’ll just stick with being honest. I don’t know if there’s anything that I could say to be inspirational. I’d say all those cliché things if I thought it would help. Well anyway, here’s to you getting some type of resolve in a timely manner.
    Keep in touch,
    Your friend overseas.

  5. I agree with Beanie, at least you’re smart enough to recognize symptoms and see a doctor about them. It does suck but I hope it sucks as little as possible.
    I have suffered from memory loss with depression, it’s scary and irritating at the same time to realize you just can’t focus and remember something.
    The eyebrows in the dark is funny. Must be some sort of female thing, can’t sleep, play with your face in the mirror. I’m a bit lopsided at the moment too. :D
    Take care.

    • Heh, at least I’m not the only one with the eyebrow problem! It’s made even worse by me drawing them on with pencil… they’re wonky AND really obvious now!

      The memory loss with depression is scary, I agree… it took me a long time to get used to it. This feels like a very different memory problem though, although I can’t really explain how… I suppose it just feels ‘deeper’ somehow.

      Take care yourself :)

  6. Your symptoms are so strange, and sound so awful!

    Did your dr say whether he/she found anything unusual in the neurological tests they did in the office??

    I truly hope that everything will be okay for you and there is some benign explanation for the symptoms.

  7. I haven’t looked at your blog before – I was going to immerse for the first time and get back to you. There looks to be some really inspirational stuff here about dealing with depression. Really.

    But that’s for another time I think – all the very, very best to you.

  8. I hope your doctor’s visit goes well. I know what it feels like for things to get real really fast. I went to my doc one day about my back and trouble walking, later that day I was in surgery. It’s scary but survivable, I’m sure you’ll beat it.

  9. I have some strange medical cases, as well — stuff I’m not too comfortable about sharing online, considering a number of people know my true identity (as well as my Gravatar photo, easily recognizable… guess I’m paranoid. Everyone knows what it’s like to be paranoid, right?).
    It sucks to be singled out. To be a curiosity to doctors, to be rendered incapable of certain things that would make life a heck of a lot easier, things pretty much 99% of America’s population are entitled to.
    It makes me feel like a lowlife, in a way, even though my good friends really wouldn’t put me lower than them behalf of these factors.
    I think maybe you feel the same way.

    It’s good to know I’m not alone. :)
    Thank you.

    • Yup, paranoia is something I know all about! I constantly worry that someone I know will find this. I’ve not posted photos of my face, but my tattoos, hair and piercings are all easy to single me out by.

      And yes, a curiosity to doctors. I often feel like a sideshow.

      I hope everything is going okay for you, and if you ever need to chat about being a medical mystery, go ahead.

  10. Hello! Thanks for subscribing – you’re the first person to do so who I don’t know in person. :-) I really, honestly hope they can get you some answers soon.

    Re: the cost of your meds – cripes, you’re not kidding. And that doesn’t even account for paying to see the doctor in the first place, or to go to the ER if you’re mid-breakdown. I have health insurance (actually, I have pretty great health insurance) and it’s been a bitch and a half to keep everything paid while various physicians have poked, prodded, asked questions, and (recently) cut me open.

    I’m lucky that there are still a handful of SSRIs whose patents have expired that I haven’t tried – they’re cheap. God help me if I ever have to take a brand-name drug. I’m gonna have enough trouble paying the approximately $1,000 I still owe from having my deviated septum corrected.

  11. a good friend of mine always finishes notes with a totally original and genuine phrase, so I am passing one on to you at the end of this note. ‘Just wanted to say how much I appreciate being able to witness the inner struggles and triumphs that connect us all on blogs like yours. It is the single-most healing thing I have found in this world. I like to believe that my life, and those around me are always serving the will of a higher power who’s primary purpose is love — that is my prayer at the beginning of each day, that I be graced with the ability and oppenness to serve the will of the Greatest Love. So may Love flow through you always and especially in times when fear seems the stronger current.
    “gentle heart reach,” — HJ

  12. Pingback: In which I get through another week « Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars

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