A lot has happened over the Christmas holidays and I’ve barely had the time or energy to write. I’ve been nominated for a few more blogging awards (which I’ll do a post for after this one) and seen the dermatologist about the rash on my hands and feet. I’ve been spoiled rotten with presents, eaten far too much, and had a few lovely surprises, as well a couple of days away in Manchester with S and his family.
Christmas day was lovely, but it was almost a disaster. I spent the night before Christmas Eve with S, and my mother went on one of her irrational rants when I was a few hours late getting home. I ended up crying on the phone, trying to deflect her accusations of ruining Christmas. You’d think I’d be used to it by now – she does this on every holiday and special event – but it’s difficult to accept that with each year, she still refuses to let go. I was angry. Very angry. Annoyed that she made me cry when I’d been so happy just watching movies and talking with S. Angry that she said I needed to see my GP because I was “losing it” again. I demanded to know why my siblings were allowed to get on with their lives and I was always the one expected to follow the rules she’s set down, and frustrated when she said that they have their own families so it’s up to me to spend Christmas at home. I mean, I have no problem with spending time with her over Christmas, but it wasn’t even Christmas day. I just wanted some time to see S and possibly spend some time with Z (my best friend). As it was, I had to go back home to her and cancel all my plans. Again.
Despite the frustration and stress all this caused, I managed to have a really nice Christmas. I was well and truly spoiled; I knew what most of my gifts were since I chose them (I’m too old for surprises, I suppose) but I really enjoyed what I received and had a lovely, peaceful day watching television downstairs (I rarely go downstairs normally, preferring to spend time in my bedroom) and introducing my mother to Discworld via the Hogfather DVD.
From my mother, I got:
A Discworld DVD boxset (Hogfather, The Colour Of Magic and Going Postal)
The Discworld Mappe, Death’s Domain Map, and the 2012 Discworld Calender (see a pattern forming?)
A purple jumper from M&S, which I’d chosen a couple of months ago. Lovely and snuggly.
Three smokey-eye eyeshadow sets and a solid eyeliner pot.
Two sets of thick winter pyjamas.
A legal copy of The Sims 3, finally.
Two Cath Kidston tins shaped like books – one with knitting wool, one with a crochet hook and wool.
A white heart-shaped jewellery stand.
Really, I felt bad about shouting at her on the phone after she’d put so much effort into getting me lovely gifts, but S reminded me that I can’t allow her to guilt-trip me. Not now that I’m 27 and trying to move on in life. I got her a CD, gave her one of my Lightning Seeds albums and my Queen CD boxset. She seemed pleased, and played the Queen CD all day.
My sister (E) gave me a toiletries set and a mug with hot chocolate and a tiny whisk. I don’t have the heart to tell her that the hot chocolate tasted like dishwater; she tried, and I know she’s pretty skint this year. I only managed to get her a Vaseline gift set. My other sister (W) hasn’t given me a gift yet, and we haven’t heard from my brother at all since my mother fell out with him. I thought about sending him a text, but didn’t want to be stuck in the middle of yet another ridiculous family feud.
Z quickly popped ’round on the way to her mum’s, and we swapped gifts. She gave me a nail varnish set, which I’m really pleased with. I got her a Hello Kitty bubble bath and some body butter. It’s been a good year for gifts; it really has.
After dinner (I helped out, for once), S came for a visit, wearing a paper hat which he’d forgotten to take off in the taxi. We sat on the sofa and exchanged presents. We’d originally planned for me to stay over at his that night, but I decided against antagonising my mother further after her outburst on the telephone. I was worried he’d become jaded by the situation, as so many boyfriends have before, but he seemed to understand. He gave my mother a handwritten poem, and presented me with a selection of parcels. S had claimed he hadn’t been “able to get me much”, and I’d been worrying that perhaps I’d spent too much on him. The first parcel was a PS3 copy of Skyrim. He said I could play it at his, since I’d been banging on about it for weeks. The next parcel was a PS3 controller, which confused me since he already had two. The third? A PS3. Second-hand, but in perfect condition. I was made up with it. I still am. It’s one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given. S explained that he hoped it would keep me busy when I’m on my own, rather than sitting in my own misery. He’s lovely.
On boxing day, S’s dad picked me up to take us to Manchester to visit S’s sister and her girlfriend. Had a brilliant night, playing poker, drinking beer and smoking weed with his sister and uncle. Played some silly games and helped cook dinner. I’ve always felt very uncomfortable with boyfriend’s families before, but I don’t seem to need to pretend when I’m with S’s family. I feel accepted, for once.
S and I spent the night in a hostel. It was a bit of a nightmare, sleep-wise. Somebody above us spent the night stamping around like a baby elephant, shaking the whole room and keeping me awake most of the night. Still, we had a good night, drinking and listening to Q radio. The next morning we packed and headed off into the city centre, stopping on the way for a Starbucks mocha and to admire the John Rylands University Library. We spent the afternoon in the Museum of Science and Industry | MOSI.
If my writing seems a bit stunted, it’s due to the total mind-fail which a combination of steroids and antibiotics have caused. I’m really struggling to put words together, and I’m only bothering to write this because I know I’ll only have to catch up eventually. A couple of days ago I finally saw a dermatologist, who diagnosed me with eczema which had become infected deep into my feet and hands, causing the pain and a risk of blood poisoning. He gave me strong oral steroids (six tablets each morning), oral antibiotics (four a day), topical antibiotics and steroids, and wants to apply for funding for persistant eczema treatment. I’m relived I finally have somebody who’s taking it seriously, rather than telling me it’s “just” a fungal infection. I’ve been in pain for over six months now. I have to go back in two months, to see how the treatment’s going, and have blood tests.
It’s just the neurologist next week, and hopefully I can relax for a while. I’ve seen too many specialists lately.
On a positive note, the steroids are helping a little with my neck and arm pain, even if they have left me with bruises under each eye and an already-swelling face, along with excess sweating and the urge to drink water constantly. I’m worried about the ineviable weight gain, but I suppose there’s not much I can do.