Enjoy the silence

I’ve had a very quiet day of doing very little. Sleep wasn’t an easy task last night thanks to my procrastination skills, and most of the day was spent in a dodgy sleep-pattern haze, listening to Depeche Mode and Death In Vegas while playing The Sims (or, rather, downloading furniture packs for The Sims because I truly have nothing better to do than build fake houses and pretend I live in them).

I’m trying to motivate myself for the neurololgist appointment on Thursday. I’m worried about sleep; do I stay up all night and have the guarantee of being awake, or try to sleep and work myself into a getting-up-early panic? I try so damn hard to get up in the mornings, but it’s next to impossible sometimes, especially when I’ve been up all night worrying about waking up for the day ahead. The combination of medication, weed, late-night binges and fatigue makes it all so difficult.

S kissed me at midnight on new year. The next door neighbours set off a Chinese lantern (which got stuck in a tree, and only we seemed to find it hilarious) and we made a wish for the coming year; me with a joint in my pocket, him with a can of Fosters in his hand.

My wish? I couldn’t possibly say. I don’t want to jinx anything.

About these ads


  1. Ugh, sleep. Like a man, can’t live with it, can’t live without it. I so wish for a nice peaceful rest. If I go to sleep at 10, I’m up til 12 sometimes just laying there, tossing and turning, sometimes my iPod helps. If I go to bed at 12, I’ll fall asleep ok, but I wake up about 3:30. Usually a hot flash will be the cause. Sometimes I’ll fall back asleep, sometimes I don’t and I’m up til 5. Fall back asleep til 8 which I don’t like to do.

    I also hate having someone sleeping next to me…like my husband. I want my own bed again. He would get really butt hurt if I went upstairs and slept in the guest bedroom.

    Oh no, don’t tell us your wish. That will jinx it and it won’t come true!!

    • Heh, the wish is all mine! Whether it’ll happen or not, I don’t know. It’s quite a big wish.

      I sometimes find music helps too – especially Sigur Ros or Moby’s Ambient album. I feel you with the hot flushes; I get them too because of polycystic ovaries, and they often wake me up. The slightest bit of heat keeps me awake. I never used to like sleeping next to somebody, but find it surprisingly easy with S, perhaps because he’s quite a heavy sleeper so doesn’t tend to disturb me.

      My usual routine is in bed at midnight, awake until 4am, sleep until 2pm :/ Not good.

  2. It’s tough not being able to sleep and then worrying about not sleeping just adds to the stress…a vicious circle. Good luck with your upcoming neurological visit..I hope all is well. I find reading, along with some melatonin helps me get sleepy. Music and computer work are not a good idea to help me sleep. Love Depeche Mode and Moby!

    • Thanks for the good luck; I think I might need it. Getting nervous now, not helped by my mother obsessing over my appointment. I’d just like to get it over with, but she won’t stop talking about it. I’ll be glad to have it over with!

      I love reading in bed, but it’s too tempting to have a smoke, or put some music on, or switch to the laptop. Melatonin worked really well for me the last time I was on it, perhaps it’s worth a try again.

      Have you heard Moby’s Ambient album? I’ve been listening to it non-stop all day ;)

      • Too bad your Mom is being obsessive…that energy doesn’t do anyone any good. I take melatonin every night, it’s very helpful. Since I’m not working, I have a tendency to stay up really late (I’m a true night owl) and then sleep late, but it helps me when I’m finally ready to go to sleep.

        No, haven’t heard that CD..I’ll have to check it out. I wore out my copy of “Play” however. :)

  3. The combination of medication, weed, late-night binges and fatigue makes it all so difficult.

    I’m with ya. That was my routine for a few years, though been workingn on changing things the past few weeks, fucked up tonight though, pretty high now.

    No matter what I do, I can’t seem to sleep properly, and I can never get up either. I’ll sleep till noon and someone usually has to get me up even then. Sucks I know.

    I hope your appt goes well. x

    • We sound so similar. I’d love to change things, but I’m not really ready to change I suppose. I mean, I’m trying, but I just don’t feel like I have the true motivation to care about my sleep patterns. It’s so easy to get into a useless cycle of insomnia and oversleeping when you’re in a situation like mine; no job, no real hobbies outside the house, few friends. It’s not like there’s often any reason to get up at a sensible time.

      It was okay for a while, but I’m sick of it now. I’m forcing myself to stay awake all day (didn’t have any sleep last night at all) so I at least manage to sleep properly (fingers crossed) before my appointment.

      Hope you’re doing okay – come down yet? x

  4. Sleep. AAAAA. I have no normal pattern. It whacks up my day good and proper love! I take these monster naps … then i can’t sleep at night. BUT, i don’t sleep at night because i take monster naps. Beastly animal, sleep! melis

  5. Sending gentle wishes to guide the doctor’s appointment and filled with hope and prayers to find out what is going on with you.
    I so relate to the choice of maybe sleeping but then possibly not making the appointment, or just fore-going the sleep, staying awake and stumbling into the doctor appointment.

    I actually use marijuana to sleep. With a joint before I can on good nights drag sleep into 3 to 4 hours together. After more than 25 years of not sleeping well, can’t fall asleep, can’t stay asleep.
    After trying one RX sleep med after another I finally went back to the one thing I knew could help relax me enough to sleep. Now… at least I can manage some sleep. I also use pot for pain management with blessing and recommendation from my pain doctor, and from state.

    Please let us know how it went.

Send me love.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s