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Perfect Poets Award week 59 – A Sorry Ever After

03 Jan

A Sorry Ever After

A victim to my every failing,
inner demons shape my life story,
a convenient lie,
something to hold on to,
but I haven’t changed
… nothing has changed.

I choose every word so carefully,
this construction
I never thought I could pull off,
and do those who point their fingers, really believe
that I could have changed?
… nothing has changed.

A cliché of the highest order,
I became everything I didn’t dare dream.
Predictable,
self critical,
this has never changed
… I couldn’t change.

I spin these lies,
build up my wall,
nobody will reach me and know where I’ve been.
Nobody will know I’m just a sad retelling,
a sorry-ever-after story
… and the ending never changed.

(c) 2008

“Happy New Year aspiring poets! Welcome to 2012! To ring in the new year let’s recognize a few poets for their hard work…” (read more)

My nomination is The Happy Amateur

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14 Comments

Posted by on January 3, 2012 in Poetry

 

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14 responses to “Perfect Poets Award week 59 – A Sorry Ever After

  1. nightshade130

    January 3, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Congratulations !!!! Lovely poem. very expressive.

     
  2. bipolarmuse

    January 3, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    “I spin these lies,
    build up my wall,
    nobody will reach me and know where I’ve been.
    Nobody will know I’m just a sad retelling,
    a sorry-ever-after story
    … and the ending never changed.”

    This resonates with me so very much. My walls are so huge and strong that sometimes I wonder if I have the concept of love very wrong. I love my children… that is the only “true” love I know. My wall is up for everyone… friends, family, boyfriends. Not many get to see the real me.
    Love this poem, and happy to find your blog as well.

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      January 4, 2012 at 8:18 am

      I don’t think it’s your concept of love being wrong. It’s just that big, horrible wall pushing everything away. It’s hard to see or understand love when there’s a big tower of bricks around you; I understand that too well.

       
  3. Sunshine

    January 3, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Perfect poem…congratulations on your award. :)

     
  4. Jenzy

    January 4, 2012 at 12:52 am

    Aww, I love this. I agree with bipolarmuse, I’m there too … you’re not alone! x

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      January 4, 2012 at 8:11 am

      Well, all I can say is that if either of you ever want to chat, feel free. I don’t really want to give my private email out, but I’m happy chatting on comments. I know what it’s like to be behind that wall x

       
  5. iamnotshe

    January 4, 2012 at 1:41 am

    Oh honey, your poetry is beautiful and tough to read: A package. I’m a fan … a new comer to your talents. Keep being awesome. Melis

     
  6. bipolarmuse

    January 4, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    It is such a huge tower of bricks… you are right. Where do these walls come from?? I know for myself it is a true defense mechanism. I would rather feel emotionless than to risk getting hurt, yet I truly do only hurt myself in the end.
    I was watching a show the other day where the end was so sad… I started to cry but told myself over and over in my head “disassociate yourself” and it worked, the tears stopped. I fear that is not a good thing.

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      January 5, 2012 at 2:00 am

      What you say really resonates with me. I used to get very emotional over songs and films, and I’d often cry at books. Lately though, I haven’t felt that sort of emotion at all. I’ve watched sad films, and not been able to cry even though I felt I should have. I don’t know if it’s the medication or something else; I suppose I don’t want to think about it too much. I’ve disassociated so much in the past and I don’t want to go back there.

      “I would rather feel emotionless than to risk getting hurt, yet I truly do only hurt myself in the end.” – too true. I may have to quote that sometime.

       
  7. bipolarmuse

    January 5, 2012 at 5:30 am

    Yes, quote it. :) I often re-read my responses and get a whole “topic” from it. lol…
    I am not very familiar with disassociating, but lack of feeling while on meds is very common for me. It’s a double edged sword.

     
  8. Maya Formanek

    January 15, 2012 at 12:41 am

    I’m a long time watcher and I just thought I’d drop by and say hello there for that very first time. I genuinely delight in your posts.

     

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