A Sorry Ever After
A victim to my every failing,
inner demons shape my life story,
a convenient lie,
something to hold on to,
but I haven’t changed
… nothing has changed.
I choose every word so carefully,
this construction
I never thought I could pull off,
and do those who point their fingers, really believe
that I could have changed?
… nothing has changed.
A cliché of the highest order,
I became everything I didn’t dare dream.
Predictable,
self critical,
this has never changed
… I couldn’t change.
I spin these lies,
build up my wall,
nobody will reach me and know where I’ve been.
Nobody will know I’m just a sad retelling,
a sorry-ever-after story
… and the ending never changed.
(c) 2008
“Happy New Year aspiring poets! Welcome to 2012! To ring in the new year let’s recognize a few poets for their hard work…” (read more)
My nomination is The Happy Amateur
nightshade130
January 3, 2012 at 8:03 pm
Congratulations !!!! Lovely poem. very expressive.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
January 3, 2012 at 9:44 pm
Thank you, nightshade!
bipolarmuse
January 3, 2012 at 10:15 pm
“I spin these lies,
build up my wall,
nobody will reach me and know where I’ve been.
Nobody will know I’m just a sad retelling,
a sorry-ever-after story
… and the ending never changed.”
This resonates with me so very much. My walls are so huge and strong that sometimes I wonder if I have the concept of love very wrong. I love my children… that is the only “true” love I know. My wall is up for everyone… friends, family, boyfriends. Not many get to see the real me.
Love this poem, and happy to find your blog as well.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
January 4, 2012 at 8:18 am
I don’t think it’s your concept of love being wrong. It’s just that big, horrible wall pushing everything away. It’s hard to see or understand love when there’s a big tower of bricks around you; I understand that too well.
Sunshine
January 3, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Perfect poem…congratulations on your award.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
January 4, 2012 at 8:13 am
Thank you, Sunshine!
Jenzy
January 4, 2012 at 12:52 am
Aww, I love this. I agree with bipolarmuse, I’m there too … you’re not alone! x
halfwaybetweenthegutter
January 4, 2012 at 8:11 am
Well, all I can say is that if either of you ever want to chat, feel free. I don’t really want to give my private email out, but I’m happy chatting on comments. I know what it’s like to be behind that wall x
iamnotshe
January 4, 2012 at 1:41 am
Oh honey, your poetry is beautiful and tough to read: A package. I’m a fan … a new comer to your talents. Keep being awesome. Melis
halfwaybetweenthegutter
January 4, 2012 at 8:03 am
Thank you Melis.
bipolarmuse
January 4, 2012 at 10:00 pm
It is such a huge tower of bricks… you are right. Where do these walls come from?? I know for myself it is a true defense mechanism. I would rather feel emotionless than to risk getting hurt, yet I truly do only hurt myself in the end.
I was watching a show the other day where the end was so sad… I started to cry but told myself over and over in my head “disassociate yourself” and it worked, the tears stopped. I fear that is not a good thing.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
January 5, 2012 at 2:00 am
What you say really resonates with me. I used to get very emotional over songs and films, and I’d often cry at books. Lately though, I haven’t felt that sort of emotion at all. I’ve watched sad films, and not been able to cry even though I felt I should have. I don’t know if it’s the medication or something else; I suppose I don’t want to think about it too much. I’ve disassociated so much in the past and I don’t want to go back there.
“I would rather feel emotionless than to risk getting hurt, yet I truly do only hurt myself in the end.” – too true. I may have to quote that sometime.
bipolarmuse
January 5, 2012 at 5:30 am
Yes, quote it.
I often re-read my responses and get a whole “topic” from it. lol…
I am not very familiar with disassociating, but lack of feeling while on meds is very common for me. It’s a double edged sword.
Maya Formanek
January 15, 2012 at 12:41 am
I’m a long time watcher and I just thought I’d drop by and say hello there for that very first time. I genuinely delight in your posts.