Six (I think) days ago, I was prescribed Celebrex/Celecoxib for my joint pain. Today, I’ve decided to take myself off it, after another sleepless night and a sudden explosion of anxiety, panic, worry, depression and something I can only describe as bordering on psychosis. I’ve had a constant stomach upset, heartburn, swellings all over my body, headaches, vision problems, nightmares, endless sweating, nausea, worse than usual fatigue and a total inability to function. The last few days have been spent almost entirely in bed, alternating between crying and feeling absolutely nothing. I’ve shouted and screamed at my mother for no reason. As I type, I’m rocking back and forth, trying to calm the irrational fear and expend the ridiculous amount of energy I have stored in my body. I’m too exhausted to make use of the energy – which feels like I’ve overdosed on E without the happy side-effect – and nothing I see or hear makes sense.
Having finally let myself Google personal accounts from people who’ve taken it, I’ve realised that everything I’m feeling can be attributed to the medication. I don’t care that it was starting to help a little with the pain; if I have to choose between relative sanity and painful joints, I’ll take the sanity please.
Of course, my mother will insist that I get yet another appointment with my GP to discuss it. However, I think if I have to walk into that waiting room one more time, I’ll snap entirely. I’ve been trying so hard to keep my shit together recently, and I don’t want to end up undoing all the hard work. Plus… I don’t think I can face yet another medication which probably won’t work, and might end up making me feel worse. Perhaps I can make it until April (when I’m seeing a rheumatology specialist) and just deal with the pain.
Six days is all it’s taken for me to become a quivering, sweating, angry wreck. I want to punch myself in the face; as barmy as I can be, that’s not normal. The only thing stopping me is knowing I’d have to explain the bruising. It’s difficult to make excuses for an injury when you’ve been bedbound for days.
This is never going to get better, is it? Life’s never going to get better.
- She never mentions the word addiction in certain company / Self harming behaviour (halfwaybetweenthegutter.wordpress.com)
- Pain Isn’t Always Visible (thedistinctdot.com)
- Codeine Addiction Treatment (allaboutcounseling.com)
- Letter to People Without Chronic Pain (kalmanrobert.wordpress.com)
- Fibromyalgia Tip: Get the Sleep You Need Despite Fibromyalgia Pain (theadventuresofarthritisnfibromyalgia.wordpress.com)
- Acute and Chronic pain (viberant.net)
- Kidney Pain. or any chronic pain for that matter. It sucks. (kellieroxn.wordpress.com)