For the first time in my life, I dreamed my teeth were falling out.
According to Freud, dreaming such things is a symbol for “castration as a punishment for masturbating (castration’s complex)”,
DreamMoods says that “Another rationalization for these falling teeth dreams may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxieties. Perhaps you feel that you are unprepared for the task at hand. However, you will find that your worries are unfounded in most cases. Sometimes what plays out in your mind is far worse than what is reality” read more…
To be honest, I don’t believe in dream symbolism, preferring to see dreaming as a natural response by the brain to the thought process. Still, I do like to consider what my dreams might be saying. I won’t go into them, because there’s nothing more boring than reading about someone else’s dreams, but it just interested me that it’s taken me this long to have the tooth falling out one. It was creepy.
It doesn’t really help that my teeth are in a pretty poor state anyway, after years of bulimia and avoiding the dentist. I noticed a few weeks back that I’m starting to get some hefty dark stains near the gum line, which no amount of scrubbing or picking will remove. I can only assume it’s decay. Smoking like a chimney and drinking red wine doesn’t help either. I can drink ten cups of strong coffee a day without noticing. Really, I’m amazed I still have teeth. Oh, there’s a lot of pain – I can’t eat sweet things anymore without major toothache – but I’m loathe to face the dentist. I don’t even know if I still have an NHS one; I missed my last appointment for X-Rays.
It’s the cost. I know I need quite a lot of work done, and it’s not an amount of money I tend to have to hand. Especially if I’ve lost my position at the clinic and need to go private.
I sat in the garden earlier, talking to my mother. Broached the subject of S and I getting a flat, and she started her usual panic/worry rant that if I move out, I’ll lose my benefits. I don’t know what I can do to ever get her to change that view; she’s adamant that I’m destroying my future by wanting to move out, and what can I say to that?
Yes, there’s a risk that I may lose the high care component, but I can contest it. Just because my mother isn’t going to be my carer anymore, doesn’t mean someone else can’t, or that I’m not crazy anymore. I’ll still be unable to work and be disabled no matter where I live. Having my own place with S will just make life that bit more bearable. I wish she could see that.