My old best friend, always under the surface
now stands beside me with a smile on their face,
my oldest enemy,
my lifelong ally,
I feel so much for you
but you feel nothing for me.
You don’t care when you tear me apart,
on those afternoons when you’re all
I can think of,
when my dreams are filled with nothing but you
and the control you gave
the promises you made
the body you betrayed.
I hate you, I love you
I need you, it disgusts me,
my reliance on you,
always one step away
you pull my strings once more.
I never let go,
my secret friend.
(c) 2008
zongrik
May 16, 2012 at 5:13 pm
secret friends are the best, we make them what we want them to be
haiku and senryu about annoyances
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 16, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Sometimes. Sometimes they’re the worst thing you can create. Thanks for the read, Zongrik.
britneyana
May 16, 2012 at 6:22 pm
I’ve had these feelings recently.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 16, 2012 at 6:55 pm
I’m sorry to hear that. Take care of you.
crayfish
May 16, 2012 at 10:58 pm
“my reliance on you, only one step away.”
It sums up the feeling, escaping the unescapable.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 17, 2012 at 9:12 am
It’s an impossible escape attempt. Thanks for the read, Crayfish.
Prince Adrian
May 17, 2012 at 12:20 pm
Reblogged this on ..aDi..aDrian..iAn...
terri0729
May 17, 2012 at 1:45 pm
Love, love, loved it!! Fabulous job
hugs and blessings, Terri
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 17, 2012 at 5:41 pm
Thank you Terri! Hope you’re well.
mairmusic
May 17, 2012 at 2:58 pm
are you writing of yourself? tough reflection here.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 17, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Yes, about an eating disorder. Thanks for the read, mairmusic.
SiNA
May 18, 2012 at 9:47 am
i really feel this…
blueplatypus
May 19, 2012 at 12:55 pm
This resonates with me- I think a lot of us are our own worst enemy. You capture the emotions wonderfully.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 21, 2012 at 11:40 am
Thank you very much; being your own worst enemy can be such a difficult thing which I think we all experience at times. It’s whether you can grow out of it or not… I never grew out of it.
ZQ
May 19, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Very nice piece. Thank you for the “sharing of your secret friend”.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 21, 2012 at 11:32 am
And thank you for reading, ZQ
Always good to see you around.
dsnake1
May 20, 2012 at 2:54 pm
it’s strange, isn’t it? sometimes your enemy turns out to be your ally, and your friend stabs you in the back. pretty confusing.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 21, 2012 at 10:50 am
The whole issue of enemies and allies is a very confusing one for me; I’m never quite sure which is which.
Thanks for the read and comment, dsnake.
jo
May 22, 2012 at 8:35 pm
What a great poem. I wrote this: http://emptygarden.wordpress.com/2011/02/25/elegy/ long ago, but your poem took my right back to it. I’ve read a lot of your blog today (instead of working). I think in the real world, we could be friends.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm
It’s a beautiful poem; I’m glad I could remind you
Perhaps we could be friends in the real world. You sound like a good person to know
Haha, and I won’t apologise for stopping you working 
jo
May 25, 2012 at 10:17 pm
Thank you! I have a real world blog I just started if you want to check it out. I’m not sure what it will evolve to yet.
. Thenextminute.wordpress.com
Anyway, just wanted to say hi! I’m going back to reading your words! Hugs
Helena (Hey! Lena)
May 24, 2012 at 5:40 pm
I’ve had reliance on a secret friend often, myself. This personally spoke to me, reminded me of a certain time in my life. A lovely read!
halfwaybetweenthegutter
May 24, 2012 at 9:30 pm
Thanks for reading, Helena! I wonder if we all have secret friends we don’t own up to.
jagring
June 22, 2012 at 11:30 am
Walking similar roads. Sipping in the joy and disgust of life..
..!!