I Hold The Stars

Stars refuse to shine tonight,
my sky is darker than ever before,
Summer slips effortlessly into Autumn,
as I keep vigil at the window once more.

I’ve written these words a thousand times,
felt these emotions more than I’d care,
I’ve walked this room and talked to these walls,
every night since you stopped being there.

You may think it strange, you may say you’re around,
but that means so little when you’re miles away.
when feelings run cold and nights last forever,
and I attempt coping in my own way.

You smiled today, you looked into my eyes,
and I considered perhaps it may not all be lost,
with your fingers inside me and kisses so warm,
but I now freeze, as the night turns to frost.

Empty streets with nobody around,
an empty room which still holds your vibrations,
afraid to move pillows which still smell of you,
… afraid to remember our last conversations.

Am I losing you, is this all I was,
someone to let go of when it suited?
My body aches and I don’t want to think,
that I must have loved, more than you ever did.

If you could see me tonight, would it change your mind?
If I broke down in front of you, would you ever see?
If I tore myself open in a less private way,
would you ever remember why you once loved me?

I hold the stars, they’re all I have,
words don’t mean half of what I believed,
I stand at the window, replaying what you said,
and I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to believe.

I always loved you more than the stars,
and I always needed you more than you’ll know,
I always felt more for you, than you felt for me,
and tonight, for the first time, I believe it shows.

(C) 2008

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24 Comments

  1. I see your poem was written in 2008, I wonder if you found it recently or that it says something today more than ever.. or maybe you’ve updated it.. I don’t know, the reader can only guess.. so I’m sending you my love with a bang on the ear.. (Waterboys lyrics).. thanx for visiting my place too.. you’ll never walk alone.. xx

    • Thank you Anna!

      At the time, my fiancé had confessed to having feelings for another girl. I stupidly decided to stick around and try to make it work… of course he had an affair, and I was the last to really know. I hung on in there far too long, but in a way I’m glad I did; it taught me a lot. Mainly to run a mile if your partner even looks sideways at someone!

  2. heavy emotions in this and such felt sadness…sometimes i think it’s never divided equally…one always seems to love more than the other…tough… hopefully there’s some light behind the next bend..there always is..

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