I’ve been trying to avoid it for three days, but I’m planning on taking two tramacet and going to bed. At Z’s barbecue she gave me a couple of pills; I was only joking when I hinted for some but I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to space out in a lovely chemical calm. Tramadol and I… we have a history. I was addicted. Just like the codeine.
I took some codeine a few days ago. 5 pills, then 5 more the night after. I haven’t touched it for a while, but the urge to blanket my fears with opiates was too strong.
I’ve been tired all day. Tired, sore and anxious. Panicking over nothing and trying to avoid food. Counting calories. Wasting time until I can sleep.
I’m not sad. Just so tired. So filled with thoughts. I want to rest for a while.
It’s not a relapse if you only do it once, right?
prideinmadness
June 12, 2012 at 6:46 pm
Despite having a few cigarettes a month I still say that I have quit smoking. So I’m saying it is up to you. For me, I see nothing wrong with once a week because I have the ability to say no and I do not buy my own ciggs.
Phoenix
June 12, 2012 at 6:52 pm
It’s only a relapse if it’s controlling you rather than you staying in control of it. Hugs.
bipolarmuse
June 12, 2012 at 7:08 pm
Self medicating is a strong devil… one I fight daily. I think that as long as you are still in control, you are ok. More importantly, how does the aftermath make you feel??
Anita S
June 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm
Right. But for me, there is no “just once” with my drug of choice (usually food). I wish there were!
YAPCaB
June 12, 2012 at 10:42 pm
I hate those times waiting to go to sleep. Waiting for the relief it brings.
About the drugs – you’re playing with fire. Don’t get burned.
The Quiet Borderline
June 13, 2012 at 10:09 am
Yeah, you’ve got to be so careful with meds. It sounds like you took a lot and I don’t know if that’s a dangerous amount but please look after yourself.
whereimstaying
June 13, 2012 at 7:36 pm
i want smokes all the time, I’ve given them up. sadly. Unfortunately I have this awful thing called anxiety (undiagnosed of course) i can’t seem to take anything, not even some Tylenol without a panic attack. I miss drugs from time to time. For reason just like yours ::hugs:: be safe !
May I Be...
June 14, 2012 at 7:39 pm
I want to say that I know this realm, way too well. I look at it this way: I struggle with an eating disorder, I am an alcoholic, and have had drug addiction. I was also an opiate gal. While I look at it as losing my sobriety (if I drink or use once) I do not call it a relapse. It is a slip. However, if you continue to spiral, that’s when the relapse comes on strong. Be careful and please know I relate and you can just start fresh again. I can relate tho, It is hard NOT to relapse with a slip up. ((hugs))
halfwaybetweenthegutter
June 14, 2012 at 11:47 pm
Thank you; ‘slip’ sounds much better than relapse, and it’s easier to take on board. Thanks, very very much. I’m amazed how many out there are reading this and knowing exactly how I feel.
*hugs back*
Trisha
June 15, 2012 at 2:07 am
I like calling it a slip. It sounds easier to move on from.
halfwaybetweenthegutter
June 15, 2012 at 11:04 am
It does. Feels less of a pressure, somehow.
PAZ
July 9, 2012 at 7:41 am
Call it a slip up and move on to the next day’s challenge. As long as it doesn’t become a continuous thing.
” but the urge to blanket my fears with opiates was too strong.” <— ugh. I'm there right now, right this very moment.
xoxo