It’s not a relapse if you only do it once, right?

I’ve been trying to avoid it for three days, but I’m planning on taking two tramacet and going to bed. At Z’s barbecue she gave me a couple of pills; I was only joking when I hinted for some but I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to space out in a lovely chemical calm. Tramadol and I… we have a history. I was addicted. Just like the codeine.

I took some codeine a few days ago. 5 pills, then 5 more the night after. I haven’t touched it for a while, but the urge to blanket my fears with opiates was too strong.

I’ve been tired all day. Tired, sore and anxious. Panicking over nothing and trying to avoid food. Counting calories. Wasting time until I can sleep.

I’m not sad. Just so tired. So filled with thoughts. I want to rest for a while.

It’s not a relapse if you only do it once, right?

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14 Comments

  1. Despite having a few cigarettes a month I still say that I have quit smoking. So I’m saying it is up to you. For me, I see nothing wrong with once a week because I have the ability to say no and I do not buy my own ciggs.

  2. i want smokes all the time, I’ve given them up. sadly. Unfortunately I have this awful thing called anxiety (undiagnosed of course) i can’t seem to take anything, not even some Tylenol without a panic attack. I miss drugs from time to time. For reason just like yours ::hugs:: be safe !

  3. I want to say that I know this realm, way too well. I look at it this way: I struggle with an eating disorder, I am an alcoholic, and have had drug addiction. I was also an opiate gal. While I look at it as losing my sobriety (if I drink or use once) I do not call it a relapse. It is a slip. However, if you continue to spiral, that’s when the relapse comes on strong. Be careful and please know I relate and you can just start fresh again. I can relate tho, It is hard NOT to relapse with a slip up. ((hugs))

  4. Pingback: One lovely blog award, and some big confessions « Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars

  5. Call it a slip up and move on to the next day’s challenge. As long as it doesn’t become a continuous thing. ;)

    ” but the urge to blanket my fears with opiates was too strong.” <— ugh. I'm there right now, right this very moment.

    xoxo

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