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Overwhelmed – Verb: Bury or drown beneath a huge mass. Defeat completely.

31 Jul

Sometimes it feels impossible to open a post; to find that sentence which sums up everything which has happened, without sounding trite or forced. It’s far easier to put off writing anything and spend the day procrastinating instead. In many aspects of my life I’m far from a perfectionist – unwashed coffee cups and screwed-up Rizlas littering my desk – but when it comes to my writing, I have a strange pride. I’d rather leave stuff out than feel unhappy with a post. That doesn’t mean I think I can write well; just that I feel I have to reach a certain standard before allowing myself to click “publish”.

It’s especially difficult to find that one magic opening sentence after the weekend; it’s the only time of the week where real life happens, and trying to think of everything… it’s difficult. My memory is so short-term nowadays that trying to put everything together without filling in the gaps with imagined scenarios is difficult.

For example, what do I write about in this post; the extra night spent with S? The trip to Manchester? The fact that I socialised and felt brave enough to get a train home on my own from Bolton? The excessive sleep, and the argument my mother tried to start this afternoon when I finally dragged myself out of bed?

Or do I just bail out again?

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35 Comments

Posted by on July 31, 2012 in Every day life

 

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35 responses to “Overwhelmed – Verb: Bury or drown beneath a huge mass. Defeat completely.

  1. faithhopechocolate

    July 31, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    That’s fantastic, that you got the train by yourself. You definitely should make a post about that, and about the extra night with S, and any other good things from the weekend. You never know, it might help you cope with your mother a bit better.

    Sending love & hugs. XX

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      July 31, 2012 at 6:43 pm

      Thanks for the love and hugs, dear <3 I really should write about the train journey; I missed my train by two minutes and had to wait another hour at a strange station close to 11pm. Panic wasn't in it.

      x

       
      • faithhopechocolate

        August 2, 2012 at 7:56 pm

        Oh, how frustrating. I once missed a train by literally the tips of my fingers. They’d just closed the doors to pull off as I ran across the platform…

        Panic happens but you survived, which is definitely a good thing. Surviving is the way forward – and the way out too, I reckon. Xxx

         
  2. carlarenee45

    July 31, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    you know that you don’t have to write everything perfectly for us. The idea is that you write to get all of those things sorted out and made into something you can make some sense of. That means you don’t have to feel like sharing on your blog has to be like writing professionally. We just want to be there for you. ;-)

     
  3. madness42

    July 31, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I’ve been sitting here thinking the same… where shall I start? So much has been happening, what one point do I choose to start from? The picture above sums it up perfectly… Everyone else seems to have been blogging like mad. I’ve even done the grocery shopping online in procrastination!

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      July 31, 2012 at 6:42 pm

      Oh, I’ve been the Queen of procrastination! It seems so easy to put everything off for just one more day.

       
  4. Gravitas

    July 31, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    I know what you mean about the writing. I think I have almost as many Drafts as I have Posts. It has to be “right” (or some semblance thereof) or I just can’t Publish it.

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      July 31, 2012 at 6:41 pm

      It’s strange isn’t it? On a deeper level I know nobody is reading to judge any writing skills, but superficially… I worry. I have many unpublished drafts too.

       
  5. April

    July 31, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    You’re a good writer.

     
  6. stuff I said

    July 31, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    You write what you want when you want, we got your back! Fantastic to read about the train, good on ya! :) xx

     
  7. Irene

    July 31, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Write a post, save it in drafts. Write another one. Save it in drafts. I have at least 4 in que right now. And I may never publish them. My rantings are mundane sometimes. Sometimes I’ll go back and rewrite them, change wording, add shit, delete shit. Then let it sit there some more.

    Glad you got out and about this weekend!

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      August 1, 2012 at 4:01 pm

      Cheers Irene. Hey, I never knew your name until now! I have an aunt called Irene, but she’s a bitch so I won’t compare her to you ;)

      See, I can never go back to those posts; I’ve tried, but give up almost straight away. It’s like once it’s been written, I can’t alter anything. It just doesn’t seem natural anymore to have a break in the writing process. Does this make any sense?

       
  8. Rescuing Little L

    July 31, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Gosh, I have the same affliction…I want my posts to be well done, concise, thought provoking…certainly doesn’t happen like that for me often where my brain is running in that direction and feels clear. I’ve published posts before where I knew I could do better but really want to practice the art of being imperfect and shed that censorship…The good thing is that we understand and like the process that you are going through as it is probably similar to our own….I think you are awesome!

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      August 1, 2012 at 3:58 pm

      Thanks for the read luv, and for the compliment! It’s strange how so many feel the need to publish the perfect post; I always sort of assumed it was my own worry and everybody else felt it came naturaly. I love the idea of practicing the art of being imperfect!

       
  9. The Wandering Mind

    July 31, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    I can relate, except I don’t do openers, I do closers.

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      August 1, 2012 at 3:11 pm

      See, closers are easy for me. I don’t know why; perhaps because when I start writing (after finding that elusive opening line) I can’t stop until it’s finished.

       
  10. Serenity Mars

    July 31, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    I love your writing! And I get that you want to have it a certain way… I get the same way. As long as your heart is in it, it will shine through your writing. You have the sweetest following and the support is there if you need it. I for one am a big fan :)

     
  11. lalalemzo

    July 31, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    Mother’s tend to be argumentative by natures. I’ve found it’s much easier to let them have their say, but know you were right all along. (even if you’re wrong, you’re still right, you know?)
    The thing about spending time with a loved one, is that typically it’s the best time of your life. Spending another night with S was, as I assume, very nice and relaxing. Taking the train back home was a feat among feats, and I’m so very proud of you. Since I’ve stumbled upon your blog, you’ve been making some serious progress. I think it’s super awesome that this is the case. You write in a way that is easy to identify with, and I really appreciate that about you. You’re real about the way you feel. That’s a wonderful things. The problem about openers is there’s very few that can be memorable. It’s hard to get one that’s really pleasing enough. I have the same issue with openers to EVERY paragraph, and closers to EVERY paragraph. It really does suck. I don’t know if any of this is making sense, but whatever. You’re making progress, I’m proud of you, and I love your super awesome..ness..?

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      August 1, 2012 at 3:07 pm

      Most of the time, I let her have her say. I mostly did when she started kicking off over my sleeping in, but I did snap a little. It’s hard not to when she’s in my face, telling me I’m doing everything wrong.

      Spending another night with S was wonderful, and really helped me get back on track I think. I’ve had no more thoughts of codeine since seeing him. By the way, this comment is absolutely lovely <3 Thank you so much for your kind words, and for understanding about the paragraph thing. I can close a paragraph easily, but starting one? I often stare at the screen for hours on end, trying to think. I don't know how some people do it. I find that once I get going I write and write without really thinking, but always come unstuck at openers.

      It all makes sense, and you're wonderful. Thanks again luv <3

       
      • lalalemzo

        August 1, 2012 at 9:16 pm

        I just find it weird how much it feels like you’ve taken thoughts from my own head and turned them into words of your own. It always makes me feel better to read our blogs, good news or not, because I know someone feels the same way I have/do. I get it about the mom thing. I’m sorry, I know it’s tough to keep a lid on it.

        It really isn’t a problem to let you know how awesome you are. <3

         
  12. Don't let me get me

    July 31, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    I’m feeling like that hamster pic in your post right now. I enjoy your writing and its openness. Just go with it. I’ve stopped diary writing and taken to blogging instead.

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      August 1, 2012 at 2:53 pm

      Thanks, I must admit diary writing does get difficult, but actual proper blogging… eh. I don’t know if I’d have enough confidence to write about other things. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way; horrible isn’t it? Much love.

       
  13. Bourbon

    August 1, 2012 at 12:52 am

    Hah yes I can relate to being that bunny and putting your hands over my eyes as if the world doesn’t exist that way x

     
  14. Nicole Marree Stiles

    August 1, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Don’t bail. The {legitimate} worldwide online mental health community needs you. So what if my password-protected WordPress blog got coldly and maliciously hacked by Joanna Fay (http://www.joannnafay.me, @Cloranuc)? No doubt it’ll do wonders for her book sales at http://www.musapublishing.com and http://www.amazon.com, although the questionable privacy policies of http://www.musapublishing.com may be problematic. And PayPal’s eCheck feature is a gas! o_O

    Stay strong; keep writing.

    ~Nicole

     
  15. Nicole Marree Stiles

    August 1, 2012 at 5:39 am

    PS. Can’t wait to read ‘Daughter of Hope’! You should get a copy; it’s super-cheap and perfect for those long, grey misanthropic days.

     
  16. booguloo

    August 1, 2012 at 8:06 am

    We all need to bail out sometimes. Recharging is a good thing.

     
  17. thebirdieflies

    August 1, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Write about whatever you want to. if you want to bail out, well, I guess writing when you want to/feel like it, is MUCH better than writing half-heartedly, because you feel some sort of obligation to your readers. There are no obligations, we read whatever you write. <3

     
    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      August 1, 2012 at 5:32 pm

      That’s always good to hear <3 I know the obligation isn't there, and the reason why I chose to write a blog and not a book was because there would be no deadlines with blogging. It's silly, and something I can't begin to understand.

       

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