Chaos reigns.
Life is constantly evolving; a state I’m not used to.
Most is good. As much as it frightens me, I’m trying to embrace change and accept that I’m not the same person I was a few months ago; I’m not even the same person I was a couple of days ago.
Finally, the landlady pulled her finger out and ordered us a bedroom carpet. It was fitted on Saturday, and I’m so happy with it. It’s nothing special – rough beige-tweed to hide stains – but it means we can finally begin to unpack properly and turn our flat into a home. Living in clutter, although an adventure of sorts, never suits me. I become frustrated and anxious over losing pointless items. I’m far from the tidiest woman in the world but I appreciate order, and I’ve finally found my motivation in organising our books and DVDs; in creating somewhere nice for us to live.
It was going well. I spent an entire day sorting out the bedroom; folding S’s clothes away and arranging my make-up on the dressing table. Washing towels, making the bed, acting like a good little housewife; albeit an unmarried housewife with fibromyalgia and muscles which are constantly reminding me of the fact. It’s rare I feel real motivation but I’ve wanted this for so long that nothing was going to stop me building the perfect home.
What eventually dampened my enthusiasm was a long, long, long needle being unceremoniously jabbed into my ankle on Monday morning. Followed by what can only be described as hell on earth as my orthopaedic consultant injected a cocktail of steroids, anesthetic, and god knows what else into my already agonising tendon.
So yes. The brakes have been put on somewhat, both physically and emotionally. On one hand I’m ecstatic they actually not only found something on my last scan, but attempted to relieve the pain. On the other… I don’t have time for this, and sometimes it feels as though any progress in life has to be hampered by something else if it’s allowed to happen.
It’s been a couple of days since I started trying to write this post. Energy… there is no energy. Any I do have is being used up trying to get the flat looking acceptable for Christmas.
buckwheatsrisk
December 19, 2012 at 11:33 pm
ouch sounds so painful i hope it improves in time for Christmas. i’m so glad you can make your place home now!
lalalemzo
December 20, 2012 at 1:30 am
I’m so happy for you and S! I know that you’re hurting right now, and I wish there was something to be done faster for you, but at least you know something’s going on to try to alleviate it. I’m glad to see your post! Lots of love going your way, and Happy Christmas!
judithatwood
December 20, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Love from the frosty coast of Maine! I am so glad to read your post — I was torn between worry about you, and the privacy you so richly deserve. I’m glad that you and S. can finally build a nest in your apartment — nothing harder than waiting around for someone to pull their thumb out.
As for other things getting in your way, I have a theory. Perhaps, when you were so unhappy, all of the time, you expected these distractions to intrude on your daily routine. Now, since you have achieved some joyful balance in your life, you are going through what all NORMAL people face. To quote John Lennon: “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” Hang in there — these interruptions will mean less and less, the longer you maintain a positive attitude. And if you can’t do that, remember that you have made it there, and you can get back there again! Love you, my friend. Welcome back!
SlippingDownward
December 20, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Best wishes for you. The holidays are one of the times we want to feel well and have a good time.
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is one day without this crap.
Thanks.
faithhopechocolate
December 23, 2012 at 8:28 pm
I know I’m a bit late to this. So, has the injection done anything to help with the pain from the ankle?
I reckon S thinks all his Christmasses have come at once just because the two of you are finally living together and you’re able to do little bits and pieces around the place.
Hurrah for the carpet being fitted. It makes life so much nicer to have carpet – and to be able to unpack properly. Just take your time – please don’t push yourself and be suffering from the results of that for the next few days.
I’m praying that you’ll have peace this Christmas too. Xxx
halfwaybetweenT
December 24, 2012 at 4:57 am
The injection has helped a little; it’s certainly taken the swelling down from the tendon at least, which is a relief. It’s not as tight as it was, but I can feel the ache from my ankle, which they said could be expected. They’re looking to see if the fluid remains after the swelling goes down.
To be honest, I’m really enjoying unpacking. I’m not doing *too* badly at sleeping and getting rest around it, with plenty of naps and S insisting I sit down and have a cup of tea, so it’s quite a nice experience. It’s easy to see how lovely the flat could look now; we just need to tidy up now really and get the Christmas tree up. Better late than never.
Have a wonderful Christmas. Are you staying at the retreat? xx
faithhopechocolate
January 2, 2013 at 11:29 am
I’m only now catching up on posts and comments. Yes, I was here at the Priory over Christmas Day etc, as we all stay here to celebrate together. We can go and see family/friends earlier in December, or in January – so I get to go see my family in just over a week.
Glad you’re taking your time with the unpacking and stuff – sitting down with a cuppa is vital! In fact, I’ve just realised the time and decided I need to go and grab a cuppa. Xx