Life is constantly evolving; a state I’m not used to.
Most is good. As much as it frightens me, I’m trying to embrace change and accept that I’m not the same person I was a few months ago; I’m not even the same person I was a couple of days ago.
Finally, the landlady pulled her finger out and ordered us a bedroom carpet. It was fitted on Saturday, and I’m so happy with it. It’s nothing special – rough beige-tweed to hide stains – but it means we can finally begin to unpack properly and turn our flat into a home. Living in clutter, although an adventure of sorts, never suits me. I become frustrated and anxious over losing pointless items. I’m far from the tidiest woman in the world but I appreciate order, and I’ve finally found my motivation in organising our books and DVDs; in creating somewhere nice for us to live.
It was going well. I spent an entire day sorting out the bedroom; folding S’s clothes away and arranging my make-up on the dressing table. Washing towels, making the bed, acting like a good little housewife; albeit an unmarried housewife with fibromyalgia and muscles which are constantly reminding me of the fact. It’s rare I feel real motivation but I’ve wanted this for so long that nothing was going to stop me building the perfect home.
What eventually dampened my enthusiasm was a long, long, long needle being unceremoniously jabbed into my ankle on Monday morning. Followed by what can only be described as hell on earth as my orthopaedic consultant injected a cocktail of steroids, anesthetic, and god knows what else into my already agonising tendon.
So yes. The brakes have been put on somewhat, both physically and emotionally. On one hand I’m ecstatic they actually not only found something on my last scan, but attempted to relieve the pain. On the other… I don’t have time for this, and sometimes it feels as though any progress in life has to be hampered by something else if it’s allowed to happen.
It’s been a couple of days since I started trying to write this post. Energy… there is no energy. Any I do have is being used up trying to get the flat looking acceptable for Christmas.