In which I didn’t die

When you have a fear over something – be it general anxiety, agoraphobia, spiders or – in my case – being sick –   you’re often given the advice “remember, you won’t die”.

On the surface it’s good advice, and very true. CBT (or my experience of it) focused on that a lot, and I can imagine most people who don’t experience such extreme fear see it as perfectly sensible advice which can really help. So I don’t begrudge those who tell me this; apart from those in the psychiatric profession, who should know better, because it’s all well and good saying “it won’t kill you”, but anyone living with fear knows that there’s absolutely nothing rational about the red-hot tangle of despair and terror.

But, I didn’t die. I stopped being sick once the anti-emetics kicked in, and I’ve been able to eat without feeling nauseous. I’m still scared of the idea of it starting again, and there’s a huge bruise on my  hand from the IV, but I didn’t die. I’m okay.

Somehow, it always ends up okay. I don’t know how.

moving on

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7 Comments

  1. Not dying is a very good thing. And I agree, when you’re in the middle of a panic, common sense deserts you and refuses to come back. If people don’t understand this, it can be difficult for them to be helpful – although worst would be someone who ends up panicking because you’re panicking.

  2. I hate it when people say that to me. It feels so invalidating, and really, I dont feel it applies to me in this situation. Fact is, I would and have put myself in danger to escape what I perceive as possible exposure. My anitbiotics made me nauseous and at 1st the doctor was saying there was nothing else they could give me. If that was the case, I wouldnt have taken them. If someone said to me, either you take this pill that makes you sick, or you die, I honesly dont think Id be able to make myself take. Completely irrational and pretty much stupid, buts thats how big my fear is.
    Anyway, Im really glad youre feeling better.

  3. I’ve been to so many E.R.s that one doctor threatened to put a chair in the waiting room with my name on a brass plate. Anxiety attacks are nothing to joke about, but he made me smile and helped me calm down. The right combination of meds and breathing techniques has finally kept the panic attacks down to a minimum. I’m glad it worked out for you as well.

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