Sod’s law

Nothing in my life ever works quite as it should, so it comes as no surprise that as soon as we finally get an internet connection in the flat, fibro hits like a bitch.

My arms hurt. My hips hurt. Everything hurts, and simply sitting down seems to require too much effort.

I’m annoyed, because I was really looking forward to finally being able to visit other blogs and take the time I used to reading and commenting, and working on my own stuff. After months of needing it as a junk room, I’ve finally been able to claim my study – the middle bedroom – and it’s a perfect writing environment. I’d planned on sitting at my desk or on the day bed and listening to music. Having a place to write without interruptions or worrying about privacy. Living with S is undoubtedly wonderful, but I find it incredibly hard to write when he’s around, probably because I was alone most of the time when I lived with my mother.

http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=H50GssbOo3x9nM&tbnid=d4r6dqgIwjrmzM:&ved=0CAQQjB0&url=http%3A%2F%2Fsenoritaglamourista.blogspot.com%2F2011%2F11%2Fstudy-space.html&ei=iWYYUb27FJOR0QWwuoGQCw&bvm=bv.42080656,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNE8117-nFNakgSJWz4SpwOwDI9AJQ&ust=1360639994687251

senoritaglamourista.blogspot.com

I’ve been finding it more frustrating than usual, being trapped in this body and being unable to write down all the feelings which inevitably go along with pain. I feel… angry. Angry that it ever got to this point; that nobody intervened and tried to help. All doctors seem to have done lately is made the pain worse – the cortisone injection was a complete failure, and only exacerbated the problem – and I admit that I’ve lost faith again. My life is wonderful in many ways, but everything is marred by constant agony. Sleepless nights and restless days. Seven pills, every morning, which only help a small amount.

I’m tired. None of this seems fair. I have a good thing going here, and it’s not right that some bloody medical problem has to get in the way. I have absolutely no control over it, and I hate that.

 

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7 Comments

  1. If only life were even remotely close to fair. Every second is another roll of the dice. Usually it results in ‘keep things the same,” but the dice can change things up in nasty ways.

    I hope you get a roll soon that makes things easier.

  2. Constant pain is enough to make me go nutty, and I only have been having my back pain for a few short months. I can only imagine what it feels like to be trapped in one’s own body, and it sounds awful.

    Try to consider it this way. The cortisone shot may have been a failure, but you managed to get a doctor to do something. Don’t lose hope, because you’ve gotten the ball rolling with the right kind of people.

    You’re living with the love of your life, and it’s a healthy and happy relationship. You thought that wouldn’t happen but it did. While your pain may never go away, your doctor should be able to help you take most of it away with time, patients and never losing hope.

    All can and will be well, it just takes time. (:

  3. I know that feeling of it being unfair all too well at the moment. I’m sick of life being controlled by fibro, and am desperately trying to take back control. But fibro just laughs at me. I hope it eases up for both of us soon but meantime it’s great to hera that living with S is going so well. :-D

  4. Pingback: The fight never seems to end | Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars

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