I became fascinated with the idea of blogging when my parents bought me my first broadband desktop. Prior to that, I was using library computers to get online, often sneaking away to use them at college or in lunch breaks at my short-lived hairdressing-in-a-real-salon career. I’d owned a clunky old thing for a long time, so money was found and I was presented with a shiny, new, clean computer. I don’t remember how I discovered blogs; I just became aware of them being dotted around the internet. The idea appealed to me immensely. Since puberty I’ve tried to keep a regular diary, but interest wanes after a few months, and I end up throwing it in the bin when I find it months later, covered in remains of chewing gum and cigarette ash from the bottom of my bedside drawer.
It took me a long time to realise that what I needed was an audience; with the security of anonymity. I needed feedback, or to at least know I was getting my experiences out there without the risk of being judged by someone I care about.
I’m not so narcissistic that I think the world will gasp and marvel at my grasp of words and heart-rending tales; of course it won’t. I’m only one small person in a very big world. Some have described my life as extraordinary, others have layered sympathy upon me until I choke under the weight. I personally think I’m pretty ordinary; everyone’s life has some drama, and I’m certainly not special.
I want to write this blog for a few reasons. Therapy. Writing practise. To possibly get advice or criticism on the way I’ve reacted to events. Simply to give myself something worthwhile to do.
The first posts on the main blog are taken from my private, real-life diary, written in 2010 and early 2011. This is why the dates don’t correspond with the entries. There’s a gap between my diary and this blog, during which a lot changed – I met somebody and started a relationship, I got an official diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, my health changed for the better and, predictably, I gained weight. I’ll do my best to fill in any gaps over time, since I promised myself I would be as honest as possible.
If you’re reading this… thank you for taking the time, and feel free to leave a comment.