Sister, you’re a poet

poetry

I am not a poet. I write poetry, but I’ve never felt comfortable with the title of poet; it holds a lot of expectations I often can’t fulfil.

I started writing poems in the first year of secondary school. For a while, I secreted them away in the back of my English exercise book, scribbling awkward lines rather than paying attention to what was going on around me. Like with so many things, I found comfort in distraction; from the hushed silences whenever I walked into a classroom, from the upturned noses and sly pinches and kicks under the desk. Words enabled me to block out situations around me which were causing me to become increasingly isolated and introverted.

At first, I tried too hard. I think I wanted to have a status of some sort, and artsy poet didn’t seem like a bad choice.When I finally realised that I had to let the poem build itself and not force it, suddenly I started getting feedback from teachers and friends. Mostly accusations.

“You didn’t write this”

“Who did you copy this off?”

“Why would you write about these things?” (Self harm and bulimia featured a lot in my early poetry).

Again, I am not a poet.

When I write, it isn’t with the intention of creating poetry as such. At first I tried to follow poetry rules and purposely create prose or Haiku. I soon realised that wasn’t my style at all; I wasn’t writing for an audience, I was writing for me, as a form of release. I still don’t write for an audience, and rarely follow rules. If I create a poem in a certain style, it’s almost certainly an accident.

It’s just words. I like them. And labels make me nervous.

Self-portrait

7 Comments

  1. Hey,

    Thanks for checking out my blog. It does feel like no one really reads it. So it was nice to have interaction that wasn’t spam ^^

    I find that great that you have a creative release (trying not to sound patronising :/), it can help so much, release those thoughts, and make something out of what numbs. I recommend anyone to try it who feels lost, or struggles in any way.

    It seems we are very similar in this regard, I also started my music for the same reason, and to the same negative affect in a way. Anyone who said my artefacts were good, I didn’t believe. I thought that they wanted to make me feel good, to remove it later and laugh at my suffering. I think though, with sensitive subject matter like mental illness, people are threatened from lack of education (by no fault of their own) on the subject. So the idea of talking to a psychotic person, they’re thinking psycho, not me. That can be a scary thought, especially because these things are stigmatised so badly through society. I find though, if it works for you than that’s brilliant, and every incentive to keep creating, and if it helps or reaches somebody else, well that’s a double win! To help someone out of my misery (which is now my hoped goal from my music and blog), would be such an amazing thing to have done.

    I’ve read one so far, and I will read more tomorrow when I have time. By the way, I love The Smiths and Morrissey, and have had the opportunity to see him live a couple of times, which was mindblowing for me!

    Again, thanks for checking my blog. I’d like to talk to you about things (for lack of a better word), so, yeh, if you’d like to, get in contact, and we will.

    Geiger.

    • Ah, spam. I get so much spam :/

      I’ve also seen Morrissey live, just once, and it was amazing! I’d love to see him again, and I often wish I’d been around to see The Smiths.

      I know what you mean about the negatives of creating; I also worry that I’m being lied to, and that one day everyone will turn around and laugh at me for being so gullible for believing them. It’s a difficult one,isn’t it? Still, I urge you to keep creating, if only for yourself.

      I’ll be in touch :)

      • I think though, the negativity of creating, causes the perpetual cycle of more creating. I was often afraid, that when I wasn’t drugged up to my eyeballs and completely useless apart from playing guitar, I would lose all my creativity altogether.

        Thus my dilemma; create to feel better, feel better, lose creativity. Again, a difficult decision. Although, I’ve found, the better I’ve felt, I can express myself in such a better way, that my expression of those times now, sound ‘better’, are more articulate/easier to understand, and much more what I would see true to what it was like. My initial forays into the lyrical world were absolutely dire, they made sense at the time, but within 5 minutes I couldn’t even understand them at all.

        Anyway, only a quick reply, I’ve had a completely hectic day and been really rushed.

        Should be getting some new articles up on my blog soon, with some music and paintings. Your forthright attitude on here, has inspired me to tell it as, mostly, was. Hah hah, everyone needs a secret I think. So yeh, hope there will be something there that interests you.

        Anyway, until tomorrow.

        And yes, questions, if you have any, ask away!

  2. Steer clear of fear as your puppeteer
    A poets pen he preys and pries
    Fear framed in your faulty eyes

    A poet is a poet when a pen pens
    Freedom of fear when poets pen
    Hearts hear what poets pen

    Faulty and fame many poets pen
    Hearts hear from the depth of the den
    The place from which a poet pens

    Steer clear from your fear of which you depend
    From the crutch in a pen you may mend and defend.

  3. Hey, I don’t know if you’re aware but I saw that @depressedmoose on twitter is looking for poetry to put into a mental health anthology? I thought it might be worth telling you because your poems are beautiful and well worthy of submission in my humble opinion :)

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