I sat alone tonight.
For the first time,
I can’t stand the music,
they sing words which fit
I want to confess but the words won’t flow,
and it fills me with fear to lay myself so bare.
I was alone tonight.
Still feeling pressure where your fingers
on my lips.
on my skin.
I want to admit, but it makes me afraid,
it’s all so unpredictable and you’re in control.
I will sleep alone tonight.
Holding tight to memories.
Reading your messages.
I need to speak, but fear keeps me silent,
I want to find a table and lay my cards down for you.
Tonight, I will be alone.
Lulled by tiny blue pills
and imagining your arms holding me, like before.
I want to ask
a thousand questions.
And I’m afraid
of the answers.