30 Days Of Truth: Day 2

06 Dec

Something you love about yourself.

Of course, this was always going to be the most difficult question. Something I love? About myself? You have to be kidding. Still, I do have a bit of affection for the jumble of synapses and bones I am, in my cynical heart. It’s true that I don’t like myself much, but I concede that I could be much worse. I don’t go around stabbing people or smashing windows.

I’m not quite sure that anybody truly loves themselves. If they do, I take my hat off to them, because I find the whole concept so downright alien. I don’t spend my life beating myself up, but I do regularly accept that I could be making more of an effort to sort my life out, that I’m not the prettiest girl in the street, my past; anything I can find to throw at myself.

I love my brain. Twee answer, I know. This is why I’m so afraid of the tests showing something wrong.

I can read and write, which makes me who I am. Although my brain is often faulty – sending signals that something entirely innocuous like a button falling off my favourite shirt is a huge threat, for example – it’s who I am. I don’t believe in the concept of a soul; not really. I am made of tissue and blood cells. Everything which I am is stored in my head and, really, that’s amazing.

I am terrified of dementia or brain injury. My stepfather sustained a head injury and it changed him so much. Seeing his room covered in sticky notes to remind him of the most basic functions… I couldn’t go there. I’d lose all my limbs before I let anything take away my ability to think clearly. Sometimes I get incredibly upset at the thought of going blind and never being able to properly read a book again. I know there are talking books, and braille, and a minute chance I would ever go blind, but it’s just not the same as looking at the paper in a real book. To lose the ability to see the texture of the pages and the typeface, I don’t think I could cope with that.

The brain fascinates me, especially the ways it can go wrong. I’ve been reading about Alice In Wonderland Syndrome and Exploding Head Syndrome recently. S believes he’s experienced AIWS, and I’ve certainly experienced painfully loud noises as I’m falling asleep; the last time it happened was only a few weeks ago.

So yes. I love my brain.

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Posted by on December 6, 2011 in Every day life


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17 responses to “30 Days Of Truth: Day 2

  1. Neeks

    December 6, 2011 at 1:44 pm

    Maybe it would set your mind to rest, to go to the doctor and have one of those scans, cat scan or whatever they call them? Your brain delivers a great post, by the way.
    All the best!

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      December 6, 2011 at 2:30 pm

      Thank you. I’m waiting for an appointment to see a brain specialist after an emergency referral.

  2. judithatwood

    December 6, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Hi, honey. Just ‘because you could be doing more with your life’ doesn’t seem like a reason not to love yourself. With every syndrome, and symptom, and quirk that makes us who we are, that IS who we need to love the most. I love you — and your writing has changed my life!

  3. Islander-Guy

    December 6, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    I love your BLOG!

  4. nicole

    December 6, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    alice in wonderland syndrom, very interesting! as a child, i imagined that messages were written on my face, telling my deepest secrets to others. i was terrified of that. think that falls in line with the alice in wonderland theory?

    i am happy to know that you’re fond of your brain. thank you for sharing it with us. x

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      December 7, 2011 at 12:18 am

      It could be linked, yes. Sometimes I wonder if children naturally experience these things and grow out of them, though.

      And thank you x

  5. Sarah Berardi

    December 7, 2011 at 12:51 am

    Thanks for following me, love your blog!

  6. living4bliss

    December 7, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    You nailed it.

    Our biggest obstacle in life is learning to love ourselves. We are taught from an early age to focus on our flaws so much that we see little good when we look in the mirror.

    Your brain is a great start, but I bet there is so much more to love, look harder :) OR ask someone who loves you.

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      December 7, 2011 at 7:59 pm

      Heh, if I looked any harder I think I’d explode. I do have people who tell me my good points, but I find it incredibly difficult to take a compliment. Still, as long as my brain works I’m quite happy with who I am :)

  7. peacefullykeira

    December 9, 2011 at 5:23 am

    I love my brain as well…I’ll be honest, I looked at this post because I was sitting there naming the numbered portions of the brain (I’m a neuropsych student).

    I had to go through CT scans and EEGs to rule out anything wrong with my brain and I was so scared. I still pull out the scans/reports to remind myself that my squishy mass of neurochemicals and synaptic connections is still ok.


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