Today, I realised that my friendship with O, my ex-fiancé, has officially ended. Not only that, but it ended a long time ago, when I met S and stopped sleeping with O. For a long time, I believed his promise of always being there for me, and his assurances that we’d always be best friends. Even when we didn’t speak for a long time, I let it slide because I thought he’d eventually call or text.
Nothing, though. I haven’t heard anything from him for months, and I think it’s time to close the lid on that friendship. I’ve realised now how gullible I was; O was only sticking around for sex, and once I stopped giving it to him… well, it didn’t take him long to drop me.
It makes me feel sad in a way. My relationship with O was turbulant and paranoid, and we were woefully mismatched, but I’ll always look back on our time together with fondness. My feeling for S have far eclipsed what I ever felt for O, but I was happy, sometimes. It was my first adult relationship, and we were together for over four years. Knowing he’ll never be in my life again is a strange feeling, but can I ever offer friendliness to someone who only wanted something physical from me in the end? Who dumped our ‘everlasting friendship’ once I met someone and fell in love?
I feel shamed that I let O use me and believed him when he made promises to always be there. It seems that friendship came with conditions; that I couldn’t meet anyone else, but he could have a girlfriend and two children.
Those conditions just seem unfair.