Tomorrow never comes.

30 May

Woke at 5.30am, reeking of fake tan and feeling wide-awake. A few hours later, I’m sitting up in bed, half-watching the first season of ER and trying to pick dried wax out of my eyebrows and off my face. S is taking me for a meal tonight at our favourite Indian restaurant, so I’m trying to remove all ten tonnes of body hair before he sees me; having polycystic ovaries is a nightmare sometimes. I’ve been managing the symptoms quite well for the past few years – losing five dress sizes almost overnight in hospital helped – but it’s slowly getting worse again.

My diet is failing miserably. I lost 6lbs, then started binging again. Not badly; just enough to halt any progress in its tracks. I’ve been avoiding the Slim-Fast tins in favour of bowls of cereal and toast, convincing myself I’ll get back on track tomorrow.

It’s never tomorrow. I’d do well to remember that.

After the stress of yesterday, I slept like a baby last night. Drifted off around 9pm and slept right through. I’m not even sure I can remember dreaming – which is incredibly rare – and when I woke, I didn’t feel the usual urge to snuggle under the covers and put off beginning the day. Rolled a joint, made a coffee, checked my emails and played some Boggle, all before 7am. Considering I’d been getting up around 3 in the afternoon and going to bed when the sun rose… I think I’m doing well. There’s no doubt it has to be down to the Lyrica; nothing else has changed.

When we bumped into S yesterday, my mother chatted to him about how Lyrica’s worked for me:

“It’s a miracle, isn’t it?”

S gave me a hug and looked me up and down:

“It’s great, it’s fantastic seeing her so bouncy and happy again”

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Posted by on May 30, 2012 in Every day life


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29 responses to “Tomorrow never comes.

  1. Zillah Zane

    May 30, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Lyrica is a G-D send sometimes! Hope you keep feelin better~!

  2. DisplacedHousewife

    May 30, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Its bad enough Ive ended up hairy,did I have to be fat aswell? I hate what pcos has done to my body and am fighting it every step of the way…

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      May 31, 2012 at 8:06 pm

      I know, it’s like PCOS gives you the most horrible symptoms possible! It’s a cruel illness, especially when it comes to body image. Keep fighting it <3

  3. stuff I said

    May 30, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I really appreciate the honesty in your posts. I hope you continue to feel better!

  4. ...But She's Crazy

    May 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Yay for meds that actually work! It’s like playing darts with your brain and one finally hits the bullseye — woo-hoo. Good luck with your weight loss. I’m going through the same thing right now, trying to lose, but getting tackled by cravings and bad eating habits. You’ll get back on track. Just keep at it! Take care!

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      May 31, 2012 at 8:35 pm

      “It’s like playing darts with your brain and one finally hits the bullseye — woo-hoo”

      That’s exactly what it’s like! Brilliant description. Good luck with losing weight and avoiding the cravings; I just can’t work out how to beat them :( And thank you <3

  5. The Dark Side of Chaos

    May 30, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Finding the right med/mix can be a beast. I’m glad you’re finding something that works for you.

    It took enough pills to make me rattle when I walk to get stable.

    Keep your chin up and looking forward. =D

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      May 31, 2012 at 8:37 pm

      Thanks :D It’s taken years to find the right pain meds; took well over a decade to find the right psych meds, so hopefully this will finally be the right combination.

      We should start a rattling club. I could be a pharmacy!

  6. Trinity River

    May 30, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Hang in there, honey bunny. When I hit menopause I grew a beard almost overnight. Being a woman is challenging.

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      May 31, 2012 at 8:33 pm

      I now understand why I wanted to be a boy when I grew up!

      PCOS is very similar to the menopause in symptoms, so I have much sympathy for women going through it. I do feel a bit annoyed that I have to put up with it all my life though; cheers, hormones!

  7. SummerSolsticeGirl

    May 30, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Was very sorry to read about the challenging day you had the day before yesterday. Hope you are feeling better today

  8. elliebloo

    May 30, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    one day at a time my friend. Be well.

  9. faithhopechocolate

    May 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Never mind the “or something”, S totally is your guardian angel. Glad to hear you’re doing better today, and much sympathy for the hair removal issues.

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      May 31, 2012 at 7:56 pm

      Haha! I think if therre are guardian angels out there, S has to be one of them for sure. Thanks; one day at a time, as they say.

      Hair removal has to be one of the worst aspects of being human. I’m quite lucky in that I’m very fair-haired, but when a rug covers your whole body… luck doesn’t seem to be a word associated with the whole situation :/

  10. YAPCaB

    May 30, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    It’s so wonderful when you get the right drug mix. Life just opens up again. Congrats!

  11. Miranda Gargasz

    May 30, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    I only got my diagnosis a year ago, after 27 years of trying to convince someone that something just wasn’t right. Here’s to kicking PCOS’s ass!

    • halfwaybetweenthegutter

      May 31, 2012 at 7:52 pm

      27 years?! That must have beenn awful. I was lucky and got diagnosed in my early teens, although I had to beg for the scan; the specialist didn’t want to know.

      • Miranda Gargasz

        June 1, 2012 at 1:09 am

        It was awful. I can’t believe you had to beg! That’s terrible!


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