Awards and the street party

I never thought I could say that the Queen stopped me from making a coffee, but it seems the monarchy reaches further than Buckingham Palace. The drug squad officer who lives opposite me arranged a street party for the jubilee, and for reasons unknown he decided to hold it on a Tuesday; two days after the actual event. I slept badly last night, and waking up to a thousand watts of bad disco music wasn’t my idea of an ideal morning.

Perhaps I’m the commander of my own fate, but I refused to join in. My mother has escaped to my sister’s house, and I’m alone in my bedroom trying to watch E.R over the music and awful DJ, and wishing the neighbours would go elsewhere; I can’t walk through the living room without being seen and I don’t fancy being the subject of neighbourly gossip as I stumble past the window in snowflake pyjamas and with hair like a pile of orange candyfloss.

Gossip – Norman Rockwell

I’m restless today; although the weekend was as wonderful as always, a great big fibro-flare hit on Saturday night and I’ve hardly slept since. Hours of accidentally kicking S out of bed with leg spasms and needing neck rubs and help getting out of chairs has led to a bit of guilt. S is so good to me; he never complains, and part of me thinks that perhaps he doesn’t even mind having to help to me out… but I constantly worry about being a burden on others, and I worry more when it comes to S. I’m terrified of being a ‘bad’ girlfriend to him.

In the past… I’ve always been made to feel inferior in relationships. I’ve been partly to blame – I naturally set myself lower than others – but S is the only man who’s never made me feel like I’m asking for too much.

I’ve been going through a weird time recently. Not quite depressed, not quite content; something in between which I’m unsure how to deal with. Anxious and edgy, prone to overreacting to repetitive noises and conversations I don’t want to be a part of. I’ve tried to keep up a normal-ish routine, but I’ve missed a lot of comments and award nominations from readers. So I’m going to attempt a small catch-up.

I’ve been nominated for the Reader Appreciation Award by Another Battle, magically madNZ Cate, Sparrow, Hawkruh, and also the Beautiful Blogger award by eniola folarin. If I’ve missed anybody out, my sincere apologies; it took me 20 minutes to find all those. I really have to keep on top of things. I’ll follow the rules for the reader appreciation award:

1. Include the award logo somewhere in your blog.
2. Answer these 10 questions, below, for fun if you want to.
3. Nominate 10 to 12 blogs you enjoy. Or you pick the number.
4. Pay the love forward: Provide your nominee’s link in your post and comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been included and invited to participate.
5. Pay the love back with gratitude and a link to the blogger(s) who nominated you.

The Questions…

1. What is your favourite colour?

I don’t really have a favourite; I prefer shades than actual colours. Greens, purples and browns attract me the most.

2. What is your favourite animal? 

Orcas, lemurs, sloths and, of course, cats. I have a fondness for frogs and snails too.

3. What is your favourite non-alcoholic drink? 

Coffee. Lots of coffee. I’m not fussy as long as I can get some caffeine, but the stronger the better. I have a weakness for Nero’s mocha.

4. Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook. As much as I try I can’t get on with Twitter. I have an account (halfwaybetweenT) but rarely mage to log in successfully, and when I do I can’t keep up.

5. Favorite pattern? 

Not a pattern as such, but I have a Rennie Macintosh rose tattooed on my back:

6. Do you prefer getting or giving presents?

It’s a cliché, but I love giving gifts. There’s few better feelings than somebody opening a present you’ve given.

7. Favorite number?  

Strangely, seven. There’s no reason why; it just feels like a nice number.

8. Favorite day of the week? 

Friday. Unlike most I don’t have to get through a working week, but the weekend means a lot to me. They’ve always been ‘mine’ – it’s the one time my mother doesn’t expect me to spend time at home. She still asks where I’m going – and it’s always to S’s – but I can live with that.

9. Favorite flower?

Fuchsia and chives.

10. What is your passion?


The following blogs are about different subjects, but all fantastic. I’ve picked these bloggers because of their honesty and ability to express emotions and situations in ways I can only hope to.

Diabetic Redemption

My Bipolar Life

Letters to my Future Self


Manic Macca’s Bipolar

A Little Crazy In The Coconut

Not Quite Lost


My Ox is a Moron

Struggling with BPD



Apologies for the long post; it’s given me something to do while the false festivities assault me from outside.


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  1. I have a pair of snowflake pajamas too, and they’re my favourite! Mine’s white with different coloured snowflakes, what colour are yours?

    I’m always terrified of being a ‘bad’ girlfriend too. Mainly because the last time I was in a relationship, I was made to feel like I was being unreasonable whenever there was something I didn’t quite like :/
    The ghost(s) of our past boyfriend(s) haunt us, it seems :P

    Thank you so much for the award btw! Yay me. :D

    I like giving gifts too. For the same reason as yours. And sometimes when I’ve given someone a spectacularly thought out gift, I can’t stop gloating about it for Ages. :P
    I also like baking and feeding others. It gives me an incentive to bake as well as I can, because I get a lot of compliments then. Hah.

    My favourite number is 7 too. It used to be my best friend’s so-called ‘lucky number’. So when I used to be around her, I heard that a lot. And later, when it came to picking a number for anything, 7 always came to mind because it’s as good a number as any! :)


  2. not too long a post at all. like very much the rose and the chives. best of luck. sloth in a box is also very cool, something i would aspire to. big noisy parties outside your door – my total sympathy. why cant people ever have a celebration of quiet? cheers


  3. I never mind reading your posts no matter HOW long they are! I think I said before that I would love to read a book written by you. It can be 800 pages and I will buy it and be glad to read it from cover to cover. After that I would be sure to recommend it!

    I get what it feels like to be afraid of being a burden on a loved one. My middle sister and I are always there for each other but each of us worries that the other is too much of a burden. But I think God puts at least one special person in our lives that needs us as much as we need them. Consider that maybe you are giving S something that he can’t get from anyone but you.

    Lastly, thank you so much for recommending my blog. Though you already have the Sunshine Award, I had to put you on my list as a “nominee.” You are a bundle of strength and courage, and your blog is truly a ray of sunshine in my life! :)


    • “Consider that maybe you are giving S something that he can’t get from anyone but you.”

      He’s told me what I give him; how I don’t put any pressure on him to have the so-called perfect relationship or act clingy with him. How I just make him laugh and he looks forward to seeing me. I can’t quite believe him though. I try do, but so many other men have said I’m a terrible girlfriend with too many demands.

      Thank so much for the compliment; I would love to write a book but every time I’ve tried I’ve totally lost track of where it was going! I don’t think I’ll ever write the great British novel. And no problem at all, your blog more than deserves a nomination! Thank you so much for the nomination back; it always makes my day :)


  4. haha, I was just reading through your blog, trying to catch up, and all the sudden I see my name and I was like, hey, wait a second, that’s my blog! It didn’t even register at first. I’ve never been nominated for anything, so I’m not quite sure what to do now, but regardless, thank you very much for the nomination! It made my day, :D

    I wanted to let you know that I truly look forward to reading your blog, because you’re an amazing writer, and you tend to speak right to my heart. Thank you (:


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