04 Jul

I wasn’t sure what I expected from blogging about my life.  When I began copying entries from my old diary online, I didn’t really know what I was hoping to achieve; in my introduction I wrote how this blog is personal therapy, but back when I started over a year ago… I wasn’t even sure if I’d delete the few posts and forget about the whole thing. I’ve never spoken about my other blog; one I started writing a few years ago. It’s just a collection of my poetry, and I never plan to pass the link on to anybody.

The thing I really didn’t expect was to develop a support network. I’ve always wondered exactly what “support network” means; I read about it in books about getting over depression and eating disorder recovery, but the idea seemed pretty unrealistic to me. Never having had many friends, I’ve always relied on the mental health system and my family to support me. The system let me down, and my family did their best but didn’t understand what I needed. The only support group I ever went to was a total disaster; I disliked everyone there. They were loud and unstable and I had nothing in common with anybody.

However, one thing which has emerged from my writing is a support network of sorts. Reading through the comments on my last post, I realise that I finally have something I’ve needed for a long time; people willing to back me up, trying to advise me on which way to turn, or just saying they’re there for me. Just being involved in some way, with no reason to be other than they want to.

Some may say that relationships online can never be as meaningful as relationships in real life. In many ways I’d agree with that; all my life I’ve needed to be able to see a person to know what they’re thinking, and because trust is such a huge issue I find communicating without seeing the other person quite nerve-wracking; I can never quite trust somebody without looking them in the eye.

After reading those comments, I know I’ve done the right thing by writing about my life. Thank you.


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Posted by on July 4, 2012 in Every day life


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25 responses to “Support

  1. Astrid

    July 4, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    Hey dear, I just wanted to let you know, that I am still happy having found your blog. I seldom comment but often think of the poetic girl somewhere in Britain.

  2. artyelf

    July 4, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Gosh, you just said everything I have come to feel since starting to write in my blogs. And I never, not for one moment, expected to feel this way.
    That perfect strangers, who mostly live on the other side of the world to me, can hold out their hand and walk with me. And that I can feel the warmth of their touch without having to go through their eyes first, it amazes me. And gives me some hope.
    You have definitely done the right thing, to write about your life. I feel like I am ‘coming home’ when I visit your blog and others, we speak the same language and respect each others feelings, without having to rescue. We can just be there for each other, and learn sometimes too.
    So, Thank You my friend. The path is no longer as lonely! Elyn. ♡♡♡

  3. Cdn Stormlover

    July 4, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Thank YOU for writing about your life. We, your online family, have much to learn about depression and eating disorders and we can only learn through people like you.

  4. jhon baker

    July 4, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    One of my most enduring and supportive friendships started online in the blogosphere. I never question where the support comes from now – I just enjoy that it is there.

  5. Barefoot Baroness

    July 4, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Om my darling girl, to have yo recognize that I am sincere in what I share with you means the moon and the stars. I know what it took to get you here. Online friendships in many ways are better than in person when it comes to sharing your deepest and most profound feelings. It;s no worry about the next day, “what did I say kind of thing’ Its unlikely you’ll hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s unlikely that theyll ever be ugly to you. (i’m speaking in general terms here) The meaning of support that I too have found here by blogging is something that is deeply touching to me it causes me to tear up and get a lump in my throat.. I thought it was just going to be a place to release my feelings, somewhere safe, and to have a place where they will be stored.
    I never expected the kindness and sincereity I have found here, never ever expected that I would come to feel so much affection and fondness for some of my blogging family that I have. It’s been a delight to get to know many, despite the often heart breaking real and raw postings needing puked on a page.
    I completely relate to needing to look the person in the eye. I will never not need this. I am humbled by your trust. knowing how much its costing you to give it. I’m happy to be part of this blogging experience with you. You were one of my very first followers who I immediatley felt this old soul connection with, and to this day I find much comfort in that. I have grown to be deeply fond of you~

  6. Phoenix

    July 4, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    Life is strange and we can and do find friendships in the places where we least expect to find them.

  7. April

    July 5, 2012 at 12:39 am

    Internet hugs.

  8. Serenity Mars

    July 5, 2012 at 12:43 am

    This was lovely! I know what you mean… I’ve had some hiccups, moments where I’ve felt heart pang of desperation where I feel as though the world is against me but something about the kindness of strangers that always keeps that tiny light glowing. Thanks for sharing :)

  9. stuff I said

    July 5, 2012 at 1:29 am

    Group hug! (((hug))) Thank you for inviting us/me along on your journey it’s nice to have someone to walk with. ;)

  10. Resilient Heart

    July 5, 2012 at 4:26 am

    I think one of the things I love about the blogging world in general is you get to know a person’s heart first before you see the exterior. I’ve always loved learning about others like Show-n-Tell in Kindergarten, but in real life there are cliques, social morays, etc. and chances are we would not have met any other way. I’m grateful to be here! I’m grateful for you and your blog. :) Namaste. :)

  11. NZ Cate

    July 5, 2012 at 6:28 am

    Love that! It’s quite an unexpected bonus to blogging, that support network, isn’t it? :-)

  12. agirlandherillness

    July 5, 2012 at 6:33 am

    We’re always here to support you!

  13. rachelmiller1511

    July 5, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I’ve found the same thing- that blogging has created a support network. It’s brilliant to be in touch with people who can really understand what its like living with Bipolar/Anxiety/Depression.

  14. Tallulah "Lulu" Stark

    July 5, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    I have more meaningful relationships online than I do in my life. And for some of them, I would be more than happy to put them in a real life context. Except, we all live all over the world!

    Like you, I have never had a support network. Most people around me are invested in this idea of “tough love”, as if ignoring me or coming down on me is going to make me better. I won’t go into that.

    This support network was what I was missing. And it’s valuable beyond any measurable value.

  15. verbalbanter

    July 5, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    As a natural born Loaner, I find that online relationships are better than no relationships at all. Just interacting with others is very helpful I am finding

  16. faithhopechocolate

    July 5, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    You write so well that you’re guaranteed to have people want to read, and given how the world is changing in its view of mental health, the more you write, the more you help the world understand. So, for me at least, supporting you is kind of my way of saying thank you to you for your sharing your life.

  17. The Quiet Borderline (back in hospital)

    July 5, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    We’re all here for eachother. One big support group. Really.


  18. gypsy116

    July 6, 2012 at 12:57 am

    I dont think theres anything that I can say that hasnt already been said, but I am so glad to have found your blog, and Im glad that youve stuck around.

  19. twirlinggirl

    July 6, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    I’m so glad you feel supported. I feel the same way. There’s a special kind of support that comes from knowing that others are reading what you’re writing, feeling compassion for your feelings, and care about how you’re doing.

    And all of those are true, from me to you. :)

  20. My Ox is a Moron

    July 6, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    Thank you for sharing your struggles. The knowledge that we are not alone in our personal darkness is so wonderful. Sometimes it takes people who we don’t know or have never seen to see who we truly are and how worthwhile we are. You are a special young lady and never doubt your importance to your family or to us.

  21. Angel Fractured

    July 6, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    I didn’t expect blogging to give me a support network, but I’ve found that unexpected bonus. I think that many of my online friendships are more meaningful than my real-life ones . . . then, again, I don’t have many friends in real life to begin with, ha. All of my relationships contain some distance even if close. I just feel braver in writing, I suppose.

  22. crazybeanrider

    July 9, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Perhaps we are searching for what we cannot find in real life, understanding and compassion. People I have met online have given me so much more than I could have ever hoped for. I am new to blogging and still finding my way. Reading your words give me hope and a place to feel less lonely. Thank you.

  23. whereimstaying

    July 9, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    It’s funny the places we find support and someone to listen to our bitching and crying. I’ve never looked back in the past few years that I’ve put myself out there for strangers to love or hate my life! I love your posts :)

  24. OnX

    July 10, 2012 at 10:45 am

    If I can ever be of assistance, just let me know. I have fibro as well. I also suffer from major depression, dissociation, PTSD and bouts of anorexia. I read all that and wonder how in the world I’ve managed to survive this long. Well, let’s be survivors together.

  25. HopefulHellion

    July 20, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    I completely agree! Glad that blogging has been such a good experience for you, and given you the support that you’ve needed.


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